Beards kicked to the curb?

Hey, Portland readers! Did you catch this week's copy of the Mercury?? If you did, I'm sure you read the (hilarious) article "Not Invited Back: 2008's Most Annoying, Ridiculous, and Terrible Things that Won't Be Invited Back to 2009!" Were you as shocked as I was that BEARDS were on that list?? Whoa there, Portland Mercury. Whooooooa. Let's just take a look at the argument against beards, shall we? Here's a quote from the article:

"Listen, we all love us a nice beard—from Ernest Hemingway to our rabbi—but unless you can actually grow a proper one (without those creepy patches of hairlessness) please don't bother. File it under one of those things that just because you can do it, doesn't necessarily mean you should do it."

Actually... now that I've taken a second look at the quote, this makes a lot of sense to me. Don't get me wrong! There is nothing shameful about a starter beard. You've got to get at least a few training beards under your belt before you can grow a masterful beard to rival Zeus. I'm not saying you should shave off your starter beard just because part (or most) of it isn't growing in. I do think it would be advisable, however, to take a sabbatical while you grow your beard into it's prime condition. You just take a nice long vacation from everyone you know, and rejoin society once your beard is fully grown and beautiful.

To give credit where it's is due, most other things on their list were dead on. Some things the Merc and I agree should not come back in 2009? How about the word "blogosphere," Greg Oden's glass bones, tweens, and $6 beers at the Crystal Ballroom. I'd be totally fine with most things on their list being banished from 2009. But beards?

Well, Mercury, I'd say you're safe this time... but watch what you say. The beards of Portland are listening.